The doorbell rings at my house which in and of itself is rather strange. In my life most folks just knock and barge on in, or open the door and call out hello as they come inside. The only folks that use the doorbell are people stumping for politicians, or those poor Jehova's Witness guys in their little suits and ties with their bikes hiding in the bushes.
Today opening the door at first I see no one in sight. Then I hear it, the sound of something swishing on concrete. There sitting sweet-as can-be is a yellow Lab, and beside him sits a flower vase with a card propped in front of it. "Well hi Bear, what have you got here?" I ask picking up the card and setting the vase up and safely out of wagging tail range.
I open the card with a picture of a Yellow Lab on the cover and read the note written inside:
Thank you for taking care of me for a couple of days while Dad is gone. Hope I can make you smile and feel better soon. Love "The Bear"
I step aside and let Bear inside while Ron starts up the sidewalk carrying a doggy bed, bucket of dogfood and bowls. This is his last trip before heading out of town for an unexpected trip. He is not sure when he will be returning, but thats okay, I rather like having Bear around with me and my old dog. Bear is one of the most mellow and well trained dogs you might ever find.
So I have an extra pet around for a few days, which is kinduva treat while I am still off work while the shoulder continues mending. The shoulder has a long way to go but I have confidence that I can get it back to its presurgery state, just gonna take me some time to get there. Being patient is driving me a little stir crazy right now, sitting still is not something I do well, so I am itching to get back on with my normal life once again.
Bear roams in tonight and decides to sleep on my feet under the desk. He sighs a tired sigh and I reach down to scratch his ears. Believe me Bear, I understand that sentiment these days too.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Playing the Girl Card
A big bright shiny new toy sits in the station driveway, the newest ambulance to enter our fleet. It's been in the works for a while now and was the source of a great deal of quarreling last winter about just what was wanted - a bigger more powerful rig or newer fancier equipment. My vote (as it always is), was for equipment but that was pretty much over ruled by the more speed/power hungry men I work with, and so we now have an ambulance sitting out front that is big enough to run over small Volkswagons. If the general public didn't see us coming before... well safe to say they sure as hell will now.
That's neither here nor there today though. Today's meeting is about just who will be the home station for the new rig, and there is some pretty good battling going on over this. Cases are pleaded and argueing goes on around the table. I only half listen to all of this as my mind is not geared to whats going on here but rather on the project that I have been working on for months. My mind is off trouble shooting issues with that rather than paying attention today.
"So what do you think Rox?" Someone asks me finally. Three good reasons come to mind but only one thing comes out.
"Well gentlemen, just remember... Ladies first, " I say very simply, actually playing my girl card for once.
For a moment there is silence and when nobody can top this Captain flips me a set of keys across the table. Sometimes in the giant poker game of life, a single Queen CAN beat four Kings.
That's neither here nor there today though. Today's meeting is about just who will be the home station for the new rig, and there is some pretty good battling going on over this. Cases are pleaded and argueing goes on around the table. I only half listen to all of this as my mind is not geared to whats going on here but rather on the project that I have been working on for months. My mind is off trouble shooting issues with that rather than paying attention today.
"So what do you think Rox?" Someone asks me finally. Three good reasons come to mind but only one thing comes out.
"Well gentlemen, just remember... Ladies first, " I say very simply, actually playing my girl card for once.
For a moment there is silence and when nobody can top this Captain flips me a set of keys across the table. Sometimes in the giant poker game of life, a single Queen CAN beat four Kings.
Friday, July 04, 2008
What is it You Do?
Digging around in the flowerbed in my front yard I hear the distinct sound of a diesel engine ideling behind me and try my best to ignore it and hope it will go away.
"Think she knows how bad her sunburn is? She's almost as red as her hair!" the first voice says.
"Isn't she the one who's always reminding us to wear sunscreen?" the second voice chimes in.
Turning around I find Scotty and Mase sitting at the curb in their ambulance. They can't help themselves, stopping to tease me comes naturally to them.
"You two don't have anything better to do then hassle off-duty citizens? And just where is YOUR sunscreen by the way?"
Mase fishes a bottle out of the console and tosses it my way. While I spray on the umpteenth layer of sunscreen of the day the guys give me a run down of whats gone on out and about today then they pump me for ice cream. This makes me laugh and I give them the sad news that my house is actually ice creamless right at the moment. We chat shop-talk for a couple of minutes, I thank them for the sunscreen then like a good boss, I tell them if they don't go get busy I will find something for them to do.
So the guys grin, Mase throws me a salute and they pull out leaving me to play with my flowers again. A couple of minutes pass before I hear a voice again and look up to see a neighbor from two doors down. I could not tell you his name or his wife's, but he has lived on the block for about six months now and we know each other by sight and wave as we pass each other on the street. He introduces himself now to me and we talk about our yards and things before he finally asks whats on his mind.
"Do you mind if I ask? What is it you DO?"
Several great answers come to mind like cat herder, babysitter, and zookeeper, but in the end I tell him what I do and where I work.
"Ah!" my neighbor said. "I've watched two ambulances and one police car stop by today, and we've seen them and firetrucks on occasion too. Jody and I thought maybe it was something like that judging from your uniform and badge and your coming and going at all hours. Curiosity finally got the best of me and I just had to ask."
So I finally met my neighbors, and I guess that from their perspective maybe my life does look rather odd. My comings and goings and the folks I know. People look twice at things in my life that are so familiar to me. Odd way to meet new people, huh?
"Think she knows how bad her sunburn is? She's almost as red as her hair!" the first voice says.
"Isn't she the one who's always reminding us to wear sunscreen?" the second voice chimes in.
Turning around I find Scotty and Mase sitting at the curb in their ambulance. They can't help themselves, stopping to tease me comes naturally to them.
"You two don't have anything better to do then hassle off-duty citizens? And just where is YOUR sunscreen by the way?"
Mase fishes a bottle out of the console and tosses it my way. While I spray on the umpteenth layer of sunscreen of the day the guys give me a run down of whats gone on out and about today then they pump me for ice cream. This makes me laugh and I give them the sad news that my house is actually ice creamless right at the moment. We chat shop-talk for a couple of minutes, I thank them for the sunscreen then like a good boss, I tell them if they don't go get busy I will find something for them to do.
So the guys grin, Mase throws me a salute and they pull out leaving me to play with my flowers again. A couple of minutes pass before I hear a voice again and look up to see a neighbor from two doors down. I could not tell you his name or his wife's, but he has lived on the block for about six months now and we know each other by sight and wave as we pass each other on the street. He introduces himself now to me and we talk about our yards and things before he finally asks whats on his mind.
"Do you mind if I ask? What is it you DO?"
Several great answers come to mind like cat herder, babysitter, and zookeeper, but in the end I tell him what I do and where I work.
"Ah!" my neighbor said. "I've watched two ambulances and one police car stop by today, and we've seen them and firetrucks on occasion too. Jody and I thought maybe it was something like that judging from your uniform and badge and your coming and going at all hours. Curiosity finally got the best of me and I just had to ask."
So I finally met my neighbors, and I guess that from their perspective maybe my life does look rather odd. My comings and goings and the folks I know. People look twice at things in my life that are so familiar to me. Odd way to meet new people, huh?
Monday, June 16, 2008
The Pinning
"Still remember me?" a voice asks from my office doorway at the hospital.
The voice is a familiar one and makes me smile. It belongs to Brewer, "Brew" a former EMT trainee who had spent some time training with us while he worked toward getting his state license last winter. Brew is a big guy, a year older than me and his life's ambition is to become a fireman. When he rode with us he called us the "Brew Crew", had decent ability and a sincere eagerness to learn new things. Over time his timidness with patients wore off, he learned to hold his own with Chris and Ron when they harassed each other, and he studied like a demon asking me questions by the ton or to show things to him again and again until he "got" it.
"Got a sec?" he asks. "I have something I wanna shoot by you."
When I welcome him in Brew helps himself to coffee, plunks down, and fills me in on what's gone on in his world since I last saw him some months ago. He had indeed gotten his license and had gone into the Fire Academy from there and now he was about to be pinned as an official fireman and hired on by the city. This was no easy feat by any means considering how few jobs there were around here and how hot the competition was for those jobs. Brew had done it, he had finally attained his dream.
"Will you do the honors?" He asked me. "Would you do the official pinning? They asked us who had helped us the most to get to this point... and that would be you."
"Me?"
"You. The academy was a lot easier for me then getting my EMT was and I couldn't have gotten this job without that. It would mean a lot. You told me once you were proud of me and I have never forgotten it, especially if you knew how close I had come to giving up and quitting. You helped me the most of all so would you do the pinning? It would mean a lot"
So it was a great honor a week later when Brew walked across the stage downtown in front of his wife and daughter and allowed me to pin his hard-fought-for Fireman's badge on his new uniform and congratulate him on his new career. When I reached up and fastened that badge on him Brew was grinning like a cheshire cat, and I would have swore to the heavens a Superman cape was about to appear and he was going to fly a victory lap around the auditoreum. You cannot help but be awed when you see someone that happy, especially when you know how hard they worked to get there. Brew shared his moment in the sun with me, and it truely was an privilege and an honor for me and one I will always remember. To know I had that impact on him and his life... well it makes me want to bust out my own SuperWoman cape and do a victory lap of my own.
Congrats Brew, you earned it!
The voice is a familiar one and makes me smile. It belongs to Brewer, "Brew" a former EMT trainee who had spent some time training with us while he worked toward getting his state license last winter. Brew is a big guy, a year older than me and his life's ambition is to become a fireman. When he rode with us he called us the "Brew Crew", had decent ability and a sincere eagerness to learn new things. Over time his timidness with patients wore off, he learned to hold his own with Chris and Ron when they harassed each other, and he studied like a demon asking me questions by the ton or to show things to him again and again until he "got" it.
"Got a sec?" he asks. "I have something I wanna shoot by you."
When I welcome him in Brew helps himself to coffee, plunks down, and fills me in on what's gone on in his world since I last saw him some months ago. He had indeed gotten his license and had gone into the Fire Academy from there and now he was about to be pinned as an official fireman and hired on by the city. This was no easy feat by any means considering how few jobs there were around here and how hot the competition was for those jobs. Brew had done it, he had finally attained his dream.
"Will you do the honors?" He asked me. "Would you do the official pinning? They asked us who had helped us the most to get to this point... and that would be you."
"Me?"
"You. The academy was a lot easier for me then getting my EMT was and I couldn't have gotten this job without that. It would mean a lot. You told me once you were proud of me and I have never forgotten it, especially if you knew how close I had come to giving up and quitting. You helped me the most of all so would you do the pinning? It would mean a lot"
So it was a great honor a week later when Brew walked across the stage downtown in front of his wife and daughter and allowed me to pin his hard-fought-for Fireman's badge on his new uniform and congratulate him on his new career. When I reached up and fastened that badge on him Brew was grinning like a cheshire cat, and I would have swore to the heavens a Superman cape was about to appear and he was going to fly a victory lap around the auditoreum. You cannot help but be awed when you see someone that happy, especially when you know how hard they worked to get there. Brew shared his moment in the sun with me, and it truely was an privilege and an honor for me and one I will always remember. To know I had that impact on him and his life... well it makes me want to bust out my own SuperWoman cape and do a victory lap of my own.
Congrats Brew, you earned it!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Yes that was us...
Yes, that was us last week in the news. The tornados that ripped thru Colorado came right thru here. The worst was six miles to the NE of me, the closest of several touched down 3/4 of a mile away. This is just one of those things you don't forget, one of the situations most will train for but never in their careers see.
It's hard to talk about because it's hard to explain all of the things that go on simultaneously during a disaster. My base is the hospital, so when an external disaster occurs and the rest of our crews are getting ready to head off to take care of the community, my first priority is activating our hospital's EMS protocals, as the hospital really is it's own community in and of itself. Not only do we have to lock down the hospital and evacuate all of our patients and families from their rooms, from the departments and daycares and get the staff out and into the emergency areas, we have to begin preparing for the incoming casualties and fatalities to come.
I carry on my person two pagers, two cells, my radio, and during that time I don't think there was a minute that passed that they were not toning me, or worse yet, paging me overhead in the hospital. When you hear the operator announcing that an External Disaster has been declared, then five seconds later hear your own name being paged overhead to three different locations you know it is not a good thing.
I cannot explain to you what its like when that little switch inside me kicks on and the commander in me comes out. It's a smooth calm feeling that settles in and takes over to cope with each situation as it arises. Can't explain it any different than that. How it turns on and copes with the 60 crying hysterical children from daycare who are petrified and scared and need reassuring and diversions to calm them down... It's the same sense that takes over and carefully explains to people why they cannot just up and leave right now and tell them that their non emergent surgery will have to be postponed until this crisis is over as we need to have the surgeons ready to go to meet the emergencies coming in... Its the same tone you take to explain to the office staff that no, they need to be in the shelter too because if something does happen, we are going to look in the shelters first to do headcounts of everyone who was where they should have been. We aren't going to know where to look for you if you are not where you are suppose to be... It's sitting with the elderly patients who are confused and almost as scared as the little kids are. They get startled by the staff around them who are sitting on cell phones relaying news stories and rumors and spreading general panic. Finally I rounded up the gossip mongers and asked them to please cease and desist with these news bites, as all it was doing was upsetting those around them, and it was not making the situation any better.
I cannot describe for you either what driving thru a disaster area is like as you head for the triage command center. How you nose thru areas where what is left of homes, yards, cars, and streets are all blended into one solid area. You cannot tell where one ends and the others begin. Things strewn litterally everywhere, clothes hanging from trees and lines, wood that has shattered from extreme force and been blown everywhere, pancaked cars and trucks that will never resemble a vehicle again, homes stripped of walls and roofs and rooms- resembling skeletons more than anything else Its amazing how much damage can happen in such a short amount of time.
Setting up at the triage command point people pour in with a wide range of injuries, mostly lacerations and abrasions needing stiching, a few broken bones needing transport, and a few more serious injuries. Over and over again people describe to us exactly what they went thru, where they were-what they did when the storm hit. The stories all sound similar, but many end happily as friends find neighbors or other friends again and are reunited at the center. Despite it all, and the hell that surrounds us outside, you know that these people have spirit and will be back to straightening their lives out again. They have friends and families coming to help, to stay with, and volunteers to help them on their way again.
After seeing all of these things in the course of the day is a humbling experience. By the time I did get time off again I spent it buried deeply in my gardens in the backyard, seeking some kind of solace. As I worked on the yard I gave thanks for all I had and did not lose, and then let my mind roam and wander and think out all of the images and thoughts it needed to process so that it could get over things.
So Yes, that was us in the news. Our neighboring city actually. No the storm did not directly hit my home, but it certainly has struck my life.
It's hard to talk about because it's hard to explain all of the things that go on simultaneously during a disaster. My base is the hospital, so when an external disaster occurs and the rest of our crews are getting ready to head off to take care of the community, my first priority is activating our hospital's EMS protocals, as the hospital really is it's own community in and of itself. Not only do we have to lock down the hospital and evacuate all of our patients and families from their rooms, from the departments and daycares and get the staff out and into the emergency areas, we have to begin preparing for the incoming casualties and fatalities to come.
I carry on my person two pagers, two cells, my radio, and during that time I don't think there was a minute that passed that they were not toning me, or worse yet, paging me overhead in the hospital. When you hear the operator announcing that an External Disaster has been declared, then five seconds later hear your own name being paged overhead to three different locations you know it is not a good thing.
I cannot explain to you what its like when that little switch inside me kicks on and the commander in me comes out. It's a smooth calm feeling that settles in and takes over to cope with each situation as it arises. Can't explain it any different than that. How it turns on and copes with the 60 crying hysterical children from daycare who are petrified and scared and need reassuring and diversions to calm them down... It's the same sense that takes over and carefully explains to people why they cannot just up and leave right now and tell them that their non emergent surgery will have to be postponed until this crisis is over as we need to have the surgeons ready to go to meet the emergencies coming in... Its the same tone you take to explain to the office staff that no, they need to be in the shelter too because if something does happen, we are going to look in the shelters first to do headcounts of everyone who was where they should have been. We aren't going to know where to look for you if you are not where you are suppose to be... It's sitting with the elderly patients who are confused and almost as scared as the little kids are. They get startled by the staff around them who are sitting on cell phones relaying news stories and rumors and spreading general panic. Finally I rounded up the gossip mongers and asked them to please cease and desist with these news bites, as all it was doing was upsetting those around them, and it was not making the situation any better.
I cannot describe for you either what driving thru a disaster area is like as you head for the triage command center. How you nose thru areas where what is left of homes, yards, cars, and streets are all blended into one solid area. You cannot tell where one ends and the others begin. Things strewn litterally everywhere, clothes hanging from trees and lines, wood that has shattered from extreme force and been blown everywhere, pancaked cars and trucks that will never resemble a vehicle again, homes stripped of walls and roofs and rooms- resembling skeletons more than anything else Its amazing how much damage can happen in such a short amount of time.
Setting up at the triage command point people pour in with a wide range of injuries, mostly lacerations and abrasions needing stiching, a few broken bones needing transport, and a few more serious injuries. Over and over again people describe to us exactly what they went thru, where they were-what they did when the storm hit. The stories all sound similar, but many end happily as friends find neighbors or other friends again and are reunited at the center. Despite it all, and the hell that surrounds us outside, you know that these people have spirit and will be back to straightening their lives out again. They have friends and families coming to help, to stay with, and volunteers to help them on their way again.
After seeing all of these things in the course of the day is a humbling experience. By the time I did get time off again I spent it buried deeply in my gardens in the backyard, seeking some kind of solace. As I worked on the yard I gave thanks for all I had and did not lose, and then let my mind roam and wander and think out all of the images and thoughts it needed to process so that it could get over things.
So Yes, that was us in the news. Our neighboring city actually. No the storm did not directly hit my home, but it certainly has struck my life.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Is Anybody Out There?
Just wondering who is reading this blog anymore.
I am finally finding more time to write lately, and I am looking for ideas in the types of entries you guys enjoy reading. So please let me know what you have enjoyed reading previously here, or what types of entries you would like to see in the future.
Thanks and let me know~
I am finally finding more time to write lately, and I am looking for ideas in the types of entries you guys enjoy reading. So please let me know what you have enjoyed reading previously here, or what types of entries you would like to see in the future.
Thanks and let me know~
Monday, April 14, 2008
A True Friend
Lately I have not written as much because I have been a bit under the gun at work. As anyone with a career can tell you, especkially if you manage crews and deal with workplace politics; from time to time you can be pulled in so many directions at once that sometimes you think you will literally explode. Trying to be everything to everyone at work and then turning around and trying to keep your personal life on an even keel can be a struggle.I admit that.
After a long week last week, I worked the weekend at the station which normally I find relaxing. But that was not the case this weekend, not by a long shot. By the time I walked home in the evening still dressed in my work clothes, I was practically stomping my feet between the station and my house. That and the delightful thought of having to start the new work week back at the hospital the next day without having anything in the way of a day off, was not making anything any better. All I want is a hot shower and a strong drink.
Turning up my driveway the lady that shares the other side of my duplex came out to visit. "Donna" is a nice gal, works in the medical field as an optometrist and so we share our home, yards and gripes and complaints. We sometimes go out to eat just so we can kvetch about work, and life and men. That's what friends do.
Tonight I came home and Donna and I chatted, then I buried myself in yardwork. Donna has her side of our duplex immaculate right now, flowers, lawn, flower beds. She recently broke up with a boyfriend, so she has buried herself in yard work to compensate. My side of the duplex has been mowed, looks okay, but the back lawn and flower beds need help and so a battle ensued. While in the midst of this battle Donna strolled over to the fence, hands on her hips. "Bout damn time you did something over there," she says. Of course she is kidding, but her comment at that moment was the final straw.
I turned around and uncorked on Donna. Angry words and accusations about how she moved into a home with an immaculate yard, while mine was a mess. How she has time to do these things and I don't. How Roundup was not even strong enough to kill some of these damn fucking weeds that I am having a time and half trying to get rid of. How I am tired of always trying to keep up to the "Jones." I found a kids toy ball in my grass and I took it and angrily hurl it as hard and as far as I can, it lands several yards away. Donna stands at the fence and watches my tantrum.
Instead of barking back at me, or just leaving and going inside and ignoring me, Donna finds her rake and shovel, and joins me in my yard battle. My tantrum didnt seem to phase her, and for the next hour she helps me in the yard as I dig and rake out a buried flower bed, and together we kvetch about life again just as we normally do, just as if I had not just had a major explosion earlier.
When it gets too dark to see anymore we stand out longer chatting. I apologize to her for my rather uncharacteristic behavior and she laughs. " For all the shit you deal with at work, I think that tantrum did you some good, more than you might think. Maybe you should do it more often..."
Thanks Donna, for being such a good friend, pitching in to help and understanding that stress just sometimes needs a release.
After a long week last week, I worked the weekend at the station which normally I find relaxing. But that was not the case this weekend, not by a long shot. By the time I walked home in the evening still dressed in my work clothes, I was practically stomping my feet between the station and my house. That and the delightful thought of having to start the new work week back at the hospital the next day without having anything in the way of a day off, was not making anything any better. All I want is a hot shower and a strong drink.
Turning up my driveway the lady that shares the other side of my duplex came out to visit. "Donna" is a nice gal, works in the medical field as an optometrist and so we share our home, yards and gripes and complaints. We sometimes go out to eat just so we can kvetch about work, and life and men. That's what friends do.
Tonight I came home and Donna and I chatted, then I buried myself in yardwork. Donna has her side of our duplex immaculate right now, flowers, lawn, flower beds. She recently broke up with a boyfriend, so she has buried herself in yard work to compensate. My side of the duplex has been mowed, looks okay, but the back lawn and flower beds need help and so a battle ensued. While in the midst of this battle Donna strolled over to the fence, hands on her hips. "Bout damn time you did something over there," she says. Of course she is kidding, but her comment at that moment was the final straw.
I turned around and uncorked on Donna. Angry words and accusations about how she moved into a home with an immaculate yard, while mine was a mess. How she has time to do these things and I don't. How Roundup was not even strong enough to kill some of these damn fucking weeds that I am having a time and half trying to get rid of. How I am tired of always trying to keep up to the "Jones." I found a kids toy ball in my grass and I took it and angrily hurl it as hard and as far as I can, it lands several yards away. Donna stands at the fence and watches my tantrum.
Instead of barking back at me, or just leaving and going inside and ignoring me, Donna finds her rake and shovel, and joins me in my yard battle. My tantrum didnt seem to phase her, and for the next hour she helps me in the yard as I dig and rake out a buried flower bed, and together we kvetch about life again just as we normally do, just as if I had not just had a major explosion earlier.
When it gets too dark to see anymore we stand out longer chatting. I apologize to her for my rather uncharacteristic behavior and she laughs. " For all the shit you deal with at work, I think that tantrum did you some good, more than you might think. Maybe you should do it more often..."
Thanks Donna, for being such a good friend, pitching in to help and understanding that stress just sometimes needs a release.
Friday, February 29, 2008
It CAN Happen to You
Snow was falling and it was bitter cold that night as Ron and I walked back across the conference center parking lot to where my truck is parked. From the looks of the ice and snow the pickup is buried under we are going to need a pick-axe and some dynamite to get it cleared off enough so we can leave.
"Want me to drive?" Ron asks as we both bust out the ice scrapers and start chiseling away as the engine warms. "You look kinda tired."
"Nah, I'm good." I reply. It's not that I don't trust Ron's driving or anything like that, I am not territorial or possessive really, I just honestly didn't feel that tired at the time. We drive a lot for a living, it's not even an issue.
Once the truck was found again and heated, we departed for home which in this weather was about an hour away thru the canyons and out of the mountains. As we go Ron and I talk about the conference we were just at, then he drifts off to sleep. The man can sleep anytime anywhere, even while I navigate these super winding roads.
Turning on some music I keep company with myself and head back for home.
The roads were not bad but it was late. Coming into town again I remember seeing the stoplight ahead as I came up. I remember watching the red light and watching and watching... my mind was just not registering anymore. Maybe I was thinking I was driving the ambulance and an opticon would turn it green. I'm not sure. I do remember my foot never letting up on the gas though, it never made a move for the brake until I had crossed midway thru the intersection. When the red lights passed thru my peripheral vision, when they passed over the cab and quickly disappeared behind me, thats when the realization set in.
Dropping the truck out of gear and I let it coast to the shoulder, looking back thru the rearview and seeing two cars cross the intersection I just blew thru. My hands shake. The light returns to green, and all is quiet again. I had half expected a patrol car to materialize behing me and flip on its lights, but no such thing happened. Nothing at all. My hands were still shaking yet as I put the truck back in gear and got back on the road.
Ron woked up not far from my house, giveing a long stretch. "Almost home," he says between yawns. "Almost not," echos in my mind but I leave it unsaid. Ron picks up conversation where we left off, and I can see him watching my shaking hands out of the corner of his eye. "You okay Rox?" he finally asks. I just nod my head and turn my truck up into my driveway.
Going inside Ron dumps his things onto my couch, which will be his bed tonight as he has shift coming up in just a couple hours, making him driving down to where he lived pretty pointless. While he gets ready for bed I pour myself a strong drink and head for the bathroom where I close the door and take a seat on the edge of the tub. My stomach is still pretty upset about the whole close call, and its threatening me, making me sick as a dog. I kick on the faucets in an attempt to divert the all to familiar sound, but it does not do the trick. Ron does not bother knocking, he just lets himself in and sits on the edge of the tub with me.
"So whats going on? You weren't sick earlier..."
The answer I nearly give him makes my stomach wrench again and I get sick again. Ron finds a rag to fill with cold water and lay on my neck as he sits and strokes my back.
"I almost killed us tonight Ron. I almost got us killed..." I relate to him the story of what I had done. "I never even slowed down..."
"It was an accident. Those things happen. You need to calm down Rox we are safe, its fine. No harm was done."
This did not soothe me, but the warm glass of brandy did. Ron built a fire in the hearth and we sat there for a while talking. Ron is a good friend, talks about things differently than others, he is a plain no nonsense kind of guy. We talk and tell stories until my melancholy has passed and I get up to go to bed.
Accidents can happen to anyone anywhere. Doesn't matter how tired or awake you are, or how much you drive, it can strike anyone at any time. Next time you get the drowsies while driving, do us all a favor. Pull over for a minute, drive with the windows open, find something that wakes you up and gets your full attention. Take care out on the road and take it from me, these things can happen to you too.
"Want me to drive?" Ron asks as we both bust out the ice scrapers and start chiseling away as the engine warms. "You look kinda tired."
"Nah, I'm good." I reply. It's not that I don't trust Ron's driving or anything like that, I am not territorial or possessive really, I just honestly didn't feel that tired at the time. We drive a lot for a living, it's not even an issue.
Once the truck was found again and heated, we departed for home which in this weather was about an hour away thru the canyons and out of the mountains. As we go Ron and I talk about the conference we were just at, then he drifts off to sleep. The man can sleep anytime anywhere, even while I navigate these super winding roads.
Turning on some music I keep company with myself and head back for home.
The roads were not bad but it was late. Coming into town again I remember seeing the stoplight ahead as I came up. I remember watching the red light and watching and watching... my mind was just not registering anymore. Maybe I was thinking I was driving the ambulance and an opticon would turn it green. I'm not sure. I do remember my foot never letting up on the gas though, it never made a move for the brake until I had crossed midway thru the intersection. When the red lights passed thru my peripheral vision, when they passed over the cab and quickly disappeared behind me, thats when the realization set in.
Dropping the truck out of gear and I let it coast to the shoulder, looking back thru the rearview and seeing two cars cross the intersection I just blew thru. My hands shake. The light returns to green, and all is quiet again. I had half expected a patrol car to materialize behing me and flip on its lights, but no such thing happened. Nothing at all. My hands were still shaking yet as I put the truck back in gear and got back on the road.
Ron woked up not far from my house, giveing a long stretch. "Almost home," he says between yawns. "Almost not," echos in my mind but I leave it unsaid. Ron picks up conversation where we left off, and I can see him watching my shaking hands out of the corner of his eye. "You okay Rox?" he finally asks. I just nod my head and turn my truck up into my driveway.
Going inside Ron dumps his things onto my couch, which will be his bed tonight as he has shift coming up in just a couple hours, making him driving down to where he lived pretty pointless. While he gets ready for bed I pour myself a strong drink and head for the bathroom where I close the door and take a seat on the edge of the tub. My stomach is still pretty upset about the whole close call, and its threatening me, making me sick as a dog. I kick on the faucets in an attempt to divert the all to familiar sound, but it does not do the trick. Ron does not bother knocking, he just lets himself in and sits on the edge of the tub with me.
"So whats going on? You weren't sick earlier..."
The answer I nearly give him makes my stomach wrench again and I get sick again. Ron finds a rag to fill with cold water and lay on my neck as he sits and strokes my back.
"I almost killed us tonight Ron. I almost got us killed..." I relate to him the story of what I had done. "I never even slowed down..."
"It was an accident. Those things happen. You need to calm down Rox we are safe, its fine. No harm was done."
This did not soothe me, but the warm glass of brandy did. Ron built a fire in the hearth and we sat there for a while talking. Ron is a good friend, talks about things differently than others, he is a plain no nonsense kind of guy. We talk and tell stories until my melancholy has passed and I get up to go to bed.
Accidents can happen to anyone anywhere. Doesn't matter how tired or awake you are, or how much you drive, it can strike anyone at any time. Next time you get the drowsies while driving, do us all a favor. Pull over for a minute, drive with the windows open, find something that wakes you up and gets your full attention. Take care out on the road and take it from me, these things can happen to you too.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Behind the Scenes
"You worked last weekend, didn't you." she stated rather than asked. This is said with an ominous note to it, whenever I hear it that little cold chill runs from my head to my toes and I wait for whatever is about to come.
"Yes, I worked all weekend," I reply closing the chart I am working on and turning to face my accuser. Her two little office buddies are sidling up outside my office doorway, definately interested in whatever this gal is about to say.
"So you were there.You knew and you didn't say a word. Why didn't you tell us?"
"You know better than that."
"You knew all along who it was, that it was his son?"
I stand quietly and say not a single word, nor do I even blink. I gaze at this woman intently not about to give her one single thing. What amazes me is that I have responded with my ambulance to her home on a matter, and she knows I never say a Goddamn word about anything I see. Ever. Period. Neither does my staff. It's called patient confidentiality. There are about a bazillion rules and regulations about this (ones this woman should be adhereing to as well) but what it all comes down to is something simple, something more basic than that. It's called respect.
"So how did he die?"
I continue to stare blankly at this woman not saying a word, I glance over her shoulder at one of her buddies who knows by the set of my jaw and the cold steel look in my gray eyes that no information is forthcoming. Not now. Not ever.
"Come on, you know she's not going to say anything. Lets just go to lunch..." the friend said convincing this woman to finally go.
"I can't believe she knew for two days and wouldn't say anything...I read it in the paper this morning..." I heard the woman say as the trio walked off down the hall.
This whole scenario is one that I have been thru many times before. It's one of the pitfalls of the profession, especially when you live in a small town and the exact reason why many people will not live and work in the same town. It's too hard, whether its situations like this one, or knowing so many friends, family and people and winding up responding to their emergencies, or encountering people after the fact and the sometimes ackwardness that arises with that, it's hard. I have listened to crying upset people telling me things not knowing that I already know exactly what happened because I was there. You will hear stories and rumors about things you already know, but you know the truth about what went really on behind the scenes, all you can do is turn on the blank face, put on the blinders and switch on the ignore button in your mind. Thats what you need to do it you want to make it in this line of work.
When we hit the lights and siren and head out on a call, we really don't care who you are or what you are, all we care about is that you will continue to be...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Mr Subtle
Chris and I stopped for lunch the other day joining some of the tribe members from ED at a table in the cafeteria. As we sit down I notice something and trying to be polite I catch Chris's eye, quirk an eyebrow and casually rub my nose. He gets the hint.
"Do I have a booger hangin?" he asks me OUT LOUD as he rubs his nose. "Did I get it?"
All I can do is sigh and nod my head.
Men...
"Do I have a booger hangin?" he asks me OUT LOUD as he rubs his nose. "Did I get it?"
All I can do is sigh and nod my head.
Men...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Roxy's 2007 Book Review
(^^^^)....The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult (Fiction)
(^^^)..... Julia’s Last Hope by Janette Oke (Fiction)
(^^)......A Risk Worth Taking by Robin Pilcher (Fiction)
(^^^^^)...Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Susan Lee (Fiction)
(^^^^^)...The Road by Cormac McCarthy (Fiction)
(^^^^^).....An Unfinished Life by Mark Spragg (Fiction)
(^^^).....The Staggerford Flood by Jon Hassler (Fiction)
(^^^).....For One More Day by Mitch Albom (Fiction)
(^^).......The Princes of Ireland by Edward Rutherford (Fiction)
(^^)......Moloka’i by Alan Brennert (Fiction)
(^^).......Atonement by Ian McEwan (Fiction)
(^).......Over the River and Thru the Trees by Ernest Hemingway (Fiction)
(^^^^)....O Pioneers by Willa Cather (Fiction)
(^^^^^)...My Antonia by Willa Cather (Fiction)
(^^^)..... A Promise for Ellie by Lauraine Snelling (Fiction)
(^^^^)....The Boleyn Inheritance by Phillipa Gregory (Fiction)
(^^^).....Mr Monk Goes to the Firehouse by Lee Goldberg (Fiction)
(^^).......Hard Truth by Nevada Barr (Fiction)
(^^^)......The Innocent by Posie Graeme-Evans (Fiction)
(^^).......Dave Berry is from Mars and Venus by Dave Berry (Humor)
(^^^).....East of Eden by John Steinbeck (Fiction)
(^^^).....The Hungry Ocean by Linda Greenlaw (Memoir)
Best Books of the Year 2007:
1..The Road by Cormac McCarthy
2..An Unfinished Life by Mark Spragg
3..Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Susan Lee
Worst Books of the Year 2007:
1..Over the River and Thru the Trees by Ernest Hemingway
2..Hard Truth by Nevada Barr
Most OverRated Books 2007:
1.. Atonement by Ian McEwan
2.. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Most Disappointing Books 2007:
1.. Hard Truth by Nevada Barr
2..Atonement by Ian McEwan
Best Surprise Sleeper Book 2007:
1.. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
(^^^)..... Julia’s Last Hope by Janette Oke (Fiction)
(^^)......A Risk Worth Taking by Robin Pilcher (Fiction)
(^^^^^)...Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Susan Lee (Fiction)
(^^^^^)...The Road by Cormac McCarthy (Fiction)
(^^^^^).....An Unfinished Life by Mark Spragg (Fiction)
(^^^).....The Staggerford Flood by Jon Hassler (Fiction)
(^^^).....For One More Day by Mitch Albom (Fiction)
(^^).......The Princes of Ireland by Edward Rutherford (Fiction)
(^^)......Moloka’i by Alan Brennert (Fiction)
(^^).......Atonement by Ian McEwan (Fiction)
(^).......Over the River and Thru the Trees by Ernest Hemingway (Fiction)
(^^^^)....O Pioneers by Willa Cather (Fiction)
(^^^^^)...My Antonia by Willa Cather (Fiction)
(^^^)..... A Promise for Ellie by Lauraine Snelling (Fiction)
(^^^^)....The Boleyn Inheritance by Phillipa Gregory (Fiction)
(^^^).....Mr Monk Goes to the Firehouse by Lee Goldberg (Fiction)
(^^).......Hard Truth by Nevada Barr (Fiction)
(^^^)......The Innocent by Posie Graeme-Evans (Fiction)
(^^).......Dave Berry is from Mars and Venus by Dave Berry (Humor)
(^^^).....East of Eden by John Steinbeck (Fiction)
(^^^).....The Hungry Ocean by Linda Greenlaw (Memoir)
Best Books of the Year 2007:
1..The Road by Cormac McCarthy
2..An Unfinished Life by Mark Spragg
3..Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Susan Lee
Worst Books of the Year 2007:
1..Over the River and Thru the Trees by Ernest Hemingway
2..Hard Truth by Nevada Barr
Most OverRated Books 2007:
1.. Atonement by Ian McEwan
2.. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Most Disappointing Books 2007:
1.. Hard Truth by Nevada Barr
2..Atonement by Ian McEwan
Best Surprise Sleeper Book 2007:
1.. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Can You Hear Me Now?
The other day Ron and I are running cross-town Code 3 lights and sirens and I am driving. Half way there Ron's cell phone rings, and he answers it with a his usual growl.
"Huh? No there is nobody named Roger here," he tells the caller. "What? No I am pretty sure," he continues. "Hmm? Yes this is that number, but there is nobody named Roger here. Trust me." By this time whomever has misdialed isn't giving up and Ron is outright scowling and he is past the point of being polite. Unrolling the window he holds the cell outside for a moment so it can catch the sound of our siren then holds the phone back up to his ear. "Sorry but you'll have to take my word for it, there really is no Roger here."
-----------
When Chris answers my call I can hear something very distinct going on in the background. This is not the first time either this has happened either. Somehow I know the exact moment to call him when he is in the bathroom.
---Me: Do you always answer the phone while going to the bathroom?
---Him: Heck No, just when you call.
---Me: Lucky Me.
---Him: Well it is YOU calling, it might be important.
With that being said I hear the sound of the toilet flushing.
---Me: You really are disgusting, know that? Do I answer the phone in the bathroom?"
---Him: No but we do place bets on which swear word you will say when your phone does ring in here and then we call you to see who wins.
I work with men, what more can I say?
Love, Live and Laugh More! *Rox
"Huh? No there is nobody named Roger here," he tells the caller. "What? No I am pretty sure," he continues. "Hmm? Yes this is that number, but there is nobody named Roger here. Trust me." By this time whomever has misdialed isn't giving up and Ron is outright scowling and he is past the point of being polite. Unrolling the window he holds the cell outside for a moment so it can catch the sound of our siren then holds the phone back up to his ear. "Sorry but you'll have to take my word for it, there really is no Roger here."
-----------
When Chris answers my call I can hear something very distinct going on in the background. This is not the first time either this has happened either. Somehow I know the exact moment to call him when he is in the bathroom.
---Me: Do you always answer the phone while going to the bathroom?
---Him: Heck No, just when you call.
---Me: Lucky Me.
---Him: Well it is YOU calling, it might be important.
With that being said I hear the sound of the toilet flushing.
---Me: You really are disgusting, know that? Do I answer the phone in the bathroom?"
---Him: No but we do place bets on which swear word you will say when your phone does ring in here and then we call you to see who wins.
I work with men, what more can I say?
Love, Live and Laugh More! *Rox
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
