Behind the Scenes

"You worked last weekend, didn't you." she stated rather than asked. This is said with an ominous note to it, whenever I hear it that little cold chill runs from my head to my toes and I wait for whatever is about to come.

"Yes, I worked all weekend," I reply closing the chart I am working on and turning to face my accuser. Her two little office buddies are sidling up outside my office doorway, definately interested in whatever this gal is about to say.

"So you were there.You knew and you didn't say a word. Why didn't you tell us?"

"You know better than that."

"You knew all along who it was, that it was his son?"

I stand quietly and say not a single word, nor do I even blink. I gaze at this woman intently not about to give her one single thing. What amazes me is that I have responded with my ambulance to her home on a matter, and she knows I never say a Goddamn word about anything I see. Ever. Period. Neither does my staff. It's called patient confidentiality. There are about a bazillion rules and regulations about this (ones this woman should be adhereing to as well) but what it all comes down to is something simple, something more basic than that. It's called respect.

"So how did he die?"

I continue to stare blankly at this woman not saying a word, I glance over her shoulder at one of her buddies who knows by the set of my jaw and the cold steel look in my gray eyes that no information is forthcoming. Not now. Not ever.

"Come on, you know she's not going to say anything. Lets just go to lunch..." the friend said convincing this woman to finally go.

"I can't believe she knew for two days and wouldn't say anything...I read it in the paper this morning..." I heard the woman say as the trio walked off down the hall.

This whole scenario is one that I have been thru many times before. It's one of the pitfalls of the profession, especially when you live in a small town and the exact reason why many people will not live and work in the same town. It's too hard, whether its situations like this one, or knowing so many friends, family and people and winding up responding to their emergencies, or encountering people after the fact and the sometimes ackwardness that arises with that, it's hard. I have listened to crying upset people telling me things not knowing that I already know exactly what happened because I was there. You will hear stories and rumors about things you already know, but you know the truth about what went really on behind the scenes, all you can do is turn on the blank face, put on the blinders and switch on the ignore button in your mind. Thats what you need to do it you want to make it in this line of work.

When we hit the lights and siren and head out on a call, we really don't care who you are or what you are, all we care about is that you will continue to be...